Okay, so I have a few off-topic/on-topic things to mention.
1. Is it weird that the whole week we stayed on Naval Station Pearl Harbor I kept thinking, "I wonder if I'll see The Bachelor, an officer and a gentleman?"
1b. And is it also weird that when I think that last phrase, I totally hear it in that man movie voice-over range? And that I never just thought "the bachelor" - always the whole phrase?
2. Is it inconsiderate that every time Wyatt coughs I lurch him over a sink or trashcan? I'm just soooo not in the mood to catch throw-up with my shirt.
3. Did someone turn on the humidifier while we were away? Because this island is feeling a little damp for my taste and just when I thought I acutally liked my hair and skin, I'm now frizzy and shiny again.
4. Ah, no wonder we like Dr. Helpful. While viewing Wyatt's cloudy lungs on the computer screen in her office, I was able to see her diploma from USC's med school and her plaque for being Georgetown's Pediatric Resident of the Year in 2004. And wouldn't you know she's moving in June? That sucks.
5. Where do my devotions lie? While poor Wyatt was wailing inside the plexglas tube for his x-ray, I found myself wondering why I hadn't thought to bring a camera because I bet you blog readers would've been interested in that image. Oh, and did I meniton that I snapped a few photos at the ER the other night? I'm always thinking of my readers.
6. Millie has a screwtail which essentially means she has no tail. How do they amputate something that hardly exists? Is she going to have a hole there? Will it creep me out? Good thing her grandparents will be here to help her recuperate!
7. Do you think it would be cheating to hire a mamasan to do my spring cleaning? Because let me tell you, there's nothing quite like returning to a humid, stale, concrete house after 18 hours of travel to make you see all the nooks and crannies that are gross. And I really just want it to be poof! done so I can spend my time on more entertaining ventures. You know, like blogging.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Welcome to Monday
We had to divide and conquer today, what with both our kids being sick. I called peds as soon as the appt. line opened at 7:30 and by 7:50 had actually spoken to a real. live. person! who was able to schedule an 11:00 appt. for Wyatt. The timing was perfect becuase the vet's appointment line opens at 8, only they weren't answering so Jeff drove over there to make the appt. in person. Turns out they're doing inventory today, but my resourceful husband figured that probably meant everyone was there and was able to sweet-talk them into seeing Millie despite the office being closed.
SO. Jeff headed one way with Millie, I went the other with Wyatt and we each got to hear one big word. Me: pneumonia, Jeff: amputation. Rock on!
Wyatt was diagnosed with pneumonia, had the pleasure of being strapped into a plexiglas tube for a chest x-ray and now has antibiotics and a decongestant. Millie's tail is, in fact, about to explode or maybe implode and is scheduled for amputation on May 15. She's on a steroid and antibiotics until then. So pretty much our kitchen counter looks like a pharmacy, I'm going to have to create a serious dosing calendar so I don't forget (or horrors! mix up their meds) and this week can only get better!
SO. Jeff headed one way with Millie, I went the other with Wyatt and we each got to hear one big word. Me: pneumonia, Jeff: amputation. Rock on!
Wyatt was diagnosed with pneumonia, had the pleasure of being strapped into a plexiglas tube for a chest x-ray and now has antibiotics and a decongestant. Millie's tail is, in fact, about to explode or maybe implode and is scheduled for amputation on May 15. She's on a steroid and antibiotics until then. So pretty much our kitchen counter looks like a pharmacy, I'm going to have to create a serious dosing calendar so I don't forget (or horrors! mix up their meds) and this week can only get better!
I Need a Vacation
Oh, that's right, we just got back. Somehow this panicky-oh-crap-I-have-a-lot-to-do-this-week feeling doesn't make me feel all rested and relaxed! Go figure. I will try to be postive now and tell you all about Hawaii.
Hawaii is lovely. It has pretty beaches, yummy food, great shopping, nice people and a friendly aloha spirit. I would like to live there, I think. But I would not want to live in a hotel room the whole time because they lose their charm when you're not looking. And I would need to exercise more because all that eating can make your pants a little more snug. All kidding aside, we had an awesome time. Jeff had to work a lot - no early days, no surprise days off and in true military style, actually one surprise day on - but it was still fun. Of course it was great to see my family and to hang out with them in such a pretty locale and there are some good pictures that will appear on the flickr stream sometime soon.
Positive blog over. Here's what I really want to tell you about....our adventure in the ER! That's right everyone, we decided no tour of Oahu could be complete without checking out the Tripler Army Hospital emergency room. You see, Wyatt came down with a cold the day before we left Okinawa and was a bubbling fountain of snot during our trip. That wasn't a huge deal until he also developed chest congestion and a fever. And the fever kept getting worse instead of better. And we had to fly back to Japan, so....we called the peds clinic who referred us to a doc on call who said, "I think you ought to bring him in. Do you know how to get to the Tripler ER?" Mind you, this all went down on our last day there so instead of spending our last night doing final shopping, eating and packing, we spent 6 hours with a whole bunch of really sick people in an Army hospital. Fun! But let me tell you, that hospital's perched on the side of a mountain and has sweeping views of Oahu's southern coast. I mean, at least we could see Diamond Head from the waiting room.
After looking in his ears and throat and taking a urine sample to rule out a UTI (yes, they put a catheter in my poor, sweet, BRAVE baby boy), they decided that Wyatt has sinusitus. They also decided he should have amoxicillin. Okay, great. Let's get the meds and get on outta here! Ummmmm, not so fast.
Man-Nurse: So, this is amoxicillin and most kids have a reaction to this so you should expect him to have a reaction.
Us: what kind of reaction?
M-N: Well, some kids go into anaphylactic shock. You know, the throat swells shut, they have trouble breathing, that kind of thing. If that happens, you need to bring him back right away.
Us: Right. We're getting on a flight in the morning to go back to Japan, so that's not good.
M-N: Well, you'd just need to have him seen. He'd be okay.
Us: Yeah. It's a long flight and we're leaving in the morning so we won't be near medical care for oh, say 24 hours....
M-N: Well he might not have that kind of reaction. A lot of kids just get a big splotchy rash (gesturing big splotches on his arms) that you can treat with benadryl. So you could just go ahead and give it to him and then just give him some benadryl.
Us: Hmmmmm. But we're leaving in, like, 10 hours so.....
M-N: Oh, he'll probably be fine. I mean, you could just give him the first dose tonight and see if anything happens. If he's going to have a really bad reaction, he'll have it after the first dose. The splotches usually take a couple of days. So if I were you, I'd just give it to him and then give him a whole bunch of benadryl to knock him out on the flight.
Me: I have to tell you, you're giving me about this much confidence right now (said while making a big fat zero with my hand).
M-N: Really? No! He'll probably be fine. You just have to mix this powder with water and then give him his first dose tonight.
Me: Does that need to be refrigerated? Because we're flying to Japan tomorrow and won't have a refrigerator...
M-N: Nah. You'll just want to shake it up because it gets kind of thick.
Jeff: So, you think if we give it to him tonight, we'll know whether he's going to have a severe reaction and if he doesn't, we should keep giving it to him but expect him to get a rash?
M-N: Yeah. And if he gets the rash, just follow-up with your doctor in Japan.
Me: And you're sure it doesn't have to be refrigerated? Because I think my nephews have had to take that and they've kept it in the refrigerator...
M-N: (turns the container over in his hand and reads the label) Oh, yeah. It does say to refrigerate it. So you'll need to refrigerate it after you mix it.
Jeff: But we'll be traveling for almost 24 hours...
M-N: Yeah....you might just want to wait until you get home to start giving it to him.
That was 6 hours well-spent, don't you think? Needless to say, we have not started the amoxicillin yet and Wyatt will be seeing our favorite pediatrician here (she's back!) in a couple of hours for a second opinion. The cold I can handle, the coughing until gagging and throwing up (like he did at dinner two nights in a row, breakfast two mornings in a row, 10 minutes after taking off from Honolulu yesterday, in his crib this morning after his 5 a.m. bottle and after breakfast today) is wearing me out. And also, Millie's tail looks like it might explode so we're attempting to get her to a vet today, too. Welcome home!
Hawaii is lovely. It has pretty beaches, yummy food, great shopping, nice people and a friendly aloha spirit. I would like to live there, I think. But I would not want to live in a hotel room the whole time because they lose their charm when you're not looking. And I would need to exercise more because all that eating can make your pants a little more snug. All kidding aside, we had an awesome time. Jeff had to work a lot - no early days, no surprise days off and in true military style, actually one surprise day on - but it was still fun. Of course it was great to see my family and to hang out with them in such a pretty locale and there are some good pictures that will appear on the flickr stream sometime soon.
Positive blog over. Here's what I really want to tell you about....our adventure in the ER! That's right everyone, we decided no tour of Oahu could be complete without checking out the Tripler Army Hospital emergency room. You see, Wyatt came down with a cold the day before we left Okinawa and was a bubbling fountain of snot during our trip. That wasn't a huge deal until he also developed chest congestion and a fever. And the fever kept getting worse instead of better. And we had to fly back to Japan, so....we called the peds clinic who referred us to a doc on call who said, "I think you ought to bring him in. Do you know how to get to the Tripler ER?" Mind you, this all went down on our last day there so instead of spending our last night doing final shopping, eating and packing, we spent 6 hours with a whole bunch of really sick people in an Army hospital. Fun! But let me tell you, that hospital's perched on the side of a mountain and has sweeping views of Oahu's southern coast. I mean, at least we could see Diamond Head from the waiting room.
After looking in his ears and throat and taking a urine sample to rule out a UTI (yes, they put a catheter in my poor, sweet, BRAVE baby boy), they decided that Wyatt has sinusitus. They also decided he should have amoxicillin. Okay, great. Let's get the meds and get on outta here! Ummmmm, not so fast.
Man-Nurse: So, this is amoxicillin and most kids have a reaction to this so you should expect him to have a reaction.
Us: what kind of reaction?
M-N: Well, some kids go into anaphylactic shock. You know, the throat swells shut, they have trouble breathing, that kind of thing. If that happens, you need to bring him back right away.
Us: Right. We're getting on a flight in the morning to go back to Japan, so that's not good.
M-N: Well, you'd just need to have him seen. He'd be okay.
Us: Yeah. It's a long flight and we're leaving in the morning so we won't be near medical care for oh, say 24 hours....
M-N: Well he might not have that kind of reaction. A lot of kids just get a big splotchy rash (gesturing big splotches on his arms) that you can treat with benadryl. So you could just go ahead and give it to him and then just give him some benadryl.
Us: Hmmmmm. But we're leaving in, like, 10 hours so.....
M-N: Oh, he'll probably be fine. I mean, you could just give him the first dose tonight and see if anything happens. If he's going to have a really bad reaction, he'll have it after the first dose. The splotches usually take a couple of days. So if I were you, I'd just give it to him and then give him a whole bunch of benadryl to knock him out on the flight.
Me: I have to tell you, you're giving me about this much confidence right now (said while making a big fat zero with my hand).
M-N: Really? No! He'll probably be fine. You just have to mix this powder with water and then give him his first dose tonight.
Me: Does that need to be refrigerated? Because we're flying to Japan tomorrow and won't have a refrigerator...
M-N: Nah. You'll just want to shake it up because it gets kind of thick.
Jeff: So, you think if we give it to him tonight, we'll know whether he's going to have a severe reaction and if he doesn't, we should keep giving it to him but expect him to get a rash?
M-N: Yeah. And if he gets the rash, just follow-up with your doctor in Japan.
Me: And you're sure it doesn't have to be refrigerated? Because I think my nephews have had to take that and they've kept it in the refrigerator...
M-N: (turns the container over in his hand and reads the label) Oh, yeah. It does say to refrigerate it. So you'll need to refrigerate it after you mix it.
Jeff: But we'll be traveling for almost 24 hours...
M-N: Yeah....you might just want to wait until you get home to start giving it to him.
That was 6 hours well-spent, don't you think? Needless to say, we have not started the amoxicillin yet and Wyatt will be seeing our favorite pediatrician here (she's back!) in a couple of hours for a second opinion. The cold I can handle, the coughing until gagging and throwing up (like he did at dinner two nights in a row, breakfast two mornings in a row, 10 minutes after taking off from Honolulu yesterday, in his crib this morning after his 5 a.m. bottle and after breakfast today) is wearing me out. And also, Millie's tail looks like it might explode so we're attempting to get her to a vet today, too. Welcome home!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
We're Confused...
It turns out there's wireless in this fancy lodging so I'm catching up. But reluctantly, reluctantly I tell you, because now that you know I'm here I feel the guilt of needing to post pictures and tell stories and update you on all the stuff happening in Hawaii. But I'm ignoring your pleas and forging ahead! Here's what I will tell you.
I'm confused about why Hawaii has ALL THIS GREAT STUFF on base that we don't have in Okinawa. C'mon! There are a lot of us stuck on that smaller island in the Pacific that would appreciate an exchange that passes for a small department store, a monster commissary complete with a massive produce department, large organic selections (organic powdered sugar! who knew?) and even.....drumroll please.....YoBaby yogurt. Because yo, baby, my kid digs that stuff and it's so good for him! How can I pack it on ice to get it home? How about the Einstein Bagels? (yes, Lisa, it's on base and it's real and it's good! I can't figure out how to get that to you, either). And McDonalds that sells real espresso drinks and Seattle's Best and base housing that looks straight out of the 'burbs all pretty and nice? Why can't we get a little of the good stuff? I'm just asking.
And Wyatt's confused about napping. Should he? Shouldn't he? Yesterday he thought, "no. I will not nap. I am not a child who needs to sleep more than an hour". But today he has decided, "yes. I think I will nap. Thank you, Mommy, for suggesting such a lovely idea! How about if I nap ALL FRICKING DAY!?" Why did he pick now to decide to finally take a monster nap - doesn't he know I discovered outlet shopping yesterday? For the love of pete. Someone wake that kid up! He's got 7 minutes before that someone is me.
Aloha!
I'm confused about why Hawaii has ALL THIS GREAT STUFF on base that we don't have in Okinawa. C'mon! There are a lot of us stuck on that smaller island in the Pacific that would appreciate an exchange that passes for a small department store, a monster commissary complete with a massive produce department, large organic selections (organic powdered sugar! who knew?) and even.....drumroll please.....YoBaby yogurt. Because yo, baby, my kid digs that stuff and it's so good for him! How can I pack it on ice to get it home? How about the Einstein Bagels? (yes, Lisa, it's on base and it's real and it's good! I can't figure out how to get that to you, either). And McDonalds that sells real espresso drinks and Seattle's Best and base housing that looks straight out of the 'burbs all pretty and nice? Why can't we get a little of the good stuff? I'm just asking.
And Wyatt's confused about napping. Should he? Shouldn't he? Yesterday he thought, "no. I will not nap. I am not a child who needs to sleep more than an hour". But today he has decided, "yes. I think I will nap. Thank you, Mommy, for suggesting such a lovely idea! How about if I nap ALL FRICKING DAY!?" Why did he pick now to decide to finally take a monster nap - doesn't he know I discovered outlet shopping yesterday? For the love of pete. Someone wake that kid up! He's got 7 minutes before that someone is me.
Aloha!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Stymied.
I really enjoy sharing my life via blog but I've noticed a pattern: when something really fun happens or it needs to include a lot of detail, I turn into Little Miss Scant-blogger. I'm overwhelmed, for some stupid reason, at the idea of telling you all about how fun our Easter Sunday was or about the 5k we ran on Saturday morning right before I went and got re-blonded (finally!). Why is that? Yeah, I don't know either.
Suffice it to say that I still can't run the whole 5k (damn the Marek Park hills!) which actually turns out to be a not-quite-5k; I think I look better with a little blond but am having trouble adjusting (who me? not able to be confident in my decisions?) and Rumiko-san is still my hero despite having pointed out my gray hair; any Easter lunch that almost turns into dinner with good friends, two bottles of wine, two desserts, plenty of coffee, board games and margaritas is pretty good even if we didn't sing Christ the Lord is Risen Today in church. And that was one heck of a run-on sentence. Sorry.
We're now in Hawaii-prep mode around here which means that I've gotten my Coco's toes for the trip, have started thinking about packing and am trying to complete tasks in preparation for the extremely busy week that awaits us as soon as we return. If anything exciting happens in the next couple of days, I'll be sure to let you know. Otherwise you should assume I'm running around like a headless chicken in attempts to organize myself, my spouse, my child and my house for a two week vacation which just means I'm really going to need that Mai-tai by the pool.
Suffice it to say that I still can't run the whole 5k (damn the Marek Park hills!) which actually turns out to be a not-quite-5k; I think I look better with a little blond but am having trouble adjusting (who me? not able to be confident in my decisions?) and Rumiko-san is still my hero despite having pointed out my gray hair; any Easter lunch that almost turns into dinner with good friends, two bottles of wine, two desserts, plenty of coffee, board games and margaritas is pretty good even if we didn't sing Christ the Lord is Risen Today in church. And that was one heck of a run-on sentence. Sorry.
We're now in Hawaii-prep mode around here which means that I've gotten my Coco's toes for the trip, have started thinking about packing and am trying to complete tasks in preparation for the extremely busy week that awaits us as soon as we return. If anything exciting happens in the next couple of days, I'll be sure to let you know. Otherwise you should assume I'm running around like a headless chicken in attempts to organize myself, my spouse, my child and my house for a two week vacation which just means I'm really going to need that Mai-tai by the pool.
Friday, April 06, 2007
The Simple Life
We got Coco's takeout tonight and while we were waiting, witnessed a conversation that would only happen here.
Man 1: Hey! I got a new car!
Man 2: Yeah, I heard. That's awesome!
Man 1: Thanks. It's pretty cool.
Man 2: That's what so-and-so said. What year is it?
Man 1: It's a '94!
Let me clarify that these were two full-fledged adults, seemingly gainfully employed, etc. So perhaps this will help you non-islanders understand what we lovingly refer to as our "Okinawa values". Because as I sat there listening, I thought, "hey! I think I'd like to get a '94 something. That would be nice."
Any bets on how long that feeling of "all I need is a car with four hubcaps, air conditioning and a good engine" will last once we return to America? Ha! Wish me luck.
Man 1: Hey! I got a new car!
Man 2: Yeah, I heard. That's awesome!
Man 1: Thanks. It's pretty cool.
Man 2: That's what so-and-so said. What year is it?
Man 1: It's a '94!
Let me clarify that these were two full-fledged adults, seemingly gainfully employed, etc. So perhaps this will help you non-islanders understand what we lovingly refer to as our "Okinawa values". Because as I sat there listening, I thought, "hey! I think I'd like to get a '94 something. That would be nice."
Any bets on how long that feeling of "all I need is a car with four hubcaps, air conditioning and a good engine" will last once we return to America? Ha! Wish me luck.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
It Depends on How You Count
This is a post I've been mulling over for a few days. You see, Jeff and I were joking around the other day and somehow stumbled onto the fact that, as of this week, we've been together 10 years. A decade. A decade! That's a nice, round, respectable number. And then I started thinking, how long have we really been together? (and yes, I'm counting from the time we started dating because those of you who know us well know we've been as inseperable as possible since that time -no comments from the peanut gallery, please!) But it's the "as possible" in the previous sentence that really counts. Here's our decade, by the numbers:
Places we've lived together: 6
Times we've maintained separate homes: 1
Number of states: 5 (6 for Jeff)
Number of countries: 2 (3 for Jeff)
Cars purchased: 4
Houses purchased: 0 (sad, but true)
Pets: 1 fish, 1 dog (and only the dog remains, Gus didn't handle move #2 very well)
Kids: 1
Total months we've been geographically separated: 25
It's kind of surprising when I add it all up. I guess we haven't been together a decade after all, which totally explains why I still think he's the best person to hang out with. I think I'll do this again in ten years.
Places we've lived together: 6
Times we've maintained separate homes: 1
Number of states: 5 (6 for Jeff)
Number of countries: 2 (3 for Jeff)
Cars purchased: 4
Houses purchased: 0 (sad, but true)
Pets: 1 fish, 1 dog (and only the dog remains, Gus didn't handle move #2 very well)
Kids: 1
Total months we've been geographically separated: 25
It's kind of surprising when I add it all up. I guess we haven't been together a decade after all, which totally explains why I still think he's the best person to hang out with. I think I'll do this again in ten years.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Let's Get a Few Things Straight
1. Wyatt is not quite old enough to do his own hair....or is he? You be the judge.
Do you think he saw a picture of Jeff from high school? Because this is total California-in-the-90s hair, self-styled during his morning nap. Trust me when I tell you that seeing this standing up in a crib makes a girl laugh out loud.
2. It's embarrassing to have a naked butt. Even if you're a dog. Just ask Millie - she had to have all the fur trimmed from her tail this evening because (get this!) her God-given screwtail is screwing itself into her. That equals infection. And all of this equals a lovely cash payout for her owners. Good times!
3. I'm ashamed to say The Bachelor: An Officer and A Gentleman has captured my attention. But it's only because I know someone who knows someone who knows this guy! I swear, I haven't watched The Bachelor since the Ryan and Trista days (did you hear they're expecting?). Ahem. Really, I'm not that into it.
4. Re: The Bachelor, I sure hope the producers stop feeling the need to say "an officer and a gentleman" a gajillion times in every episode. Because is he really a gentleman? I mean, he is wife-shopping on television and hooking up with many girls at one time. I'm just sayin'. And I'm anxious to see his screening process for a woman who's willing to be single-but-devoted while he's TDY six months at a stretch. I'm sure that's taking precedence to the "she's hot" factor, right?
5. Dear Lindsay (yes, we're still on The Bachelor), please tell me you're not really from Lawrence and that you only claimed it as your hometown because you're attending KU. And also, please tell me you plan to leave said town as soon as you graduate because it really is my hometown and I don't think it needs the likes of you. Your lack of class, decorum, whatever you want to call it is sad. I hope that you've seen yourself on tv now and are maybe reconsidering your "I'm a bitch. Whatever. I don't care." comment. You should care. You really should.
6. Just because his daddy flies jets doesn't mean Wyatt's a fan. We went and watched some airplanes today and it was all clapping and happy wiggles during the landings but as soon as that F-15 took off, it was instant tears. Perhaps he's not ready for the up-close view complete with chest-rumbling afterburners?
7. When you live in a concrete house with concrete walls and concrete stairs and concrete bannisters, if you will, you should not make a habit of running into things. Especially concrete corners, because holy cow! It hurts. I think it can even temporarily dislocate your kneecap. But the part where you almost hyperventilate trying to breathe through the pain is highly entertaining to a 9-month-old with crazy hair.
Do you think he saw a picture of Jeff from high school? Because this is total California-in-the-90s hair, self-styled during his morning nap. Trust me when I tell you that seeing this standing up in a crib makes a girl laugh out loud.2. It's embarrassing to have a naked butt. Even if you're a dog. Just ask Millie - she had to have all the fur trimmed from her tail this evening because (get this!) her God-given screwtail is screwing itself into her. That equals infection. And all of this equals a lovely cash payout for her owners. Good times!
3. I'm ashamed to say The Bachelor: An Officer and A Gentleman has captured my attention. But it's only because I know someone who knows someone who knows this guy! I swear, I haven't watched The Bachelor since the Ryan and Trista days (did you hear they're expecting?). Ahem. Really, I'm not that into it.
4. Re: The Bachelor, I sure hope the producers stop feeling the need to say "an officer and a gentleman" a gajillion times in every episode. Because is he really a gentleman? I mean, he is wife-shopping on television and hooking up with many girls at one time. I'm just sayin'. And I'm anxious to see his screening process for a woman who's willing to be single-but-devoted while he's TDY six months at a stretch. I'm sure that's taking precedence to the "she's hot" factor, right?
5. Dear Lindsay (yes, we're still on The Bachelor), please tell me you're not really from Lawrence and that you only claimed it as your hometown because you're attending KU. And also, please tell me you plan to leave said town as soon as you graduate because it really is my hometown and I don't think it needs the likes of you. Your lack of class, decorum, whatever you want to call it is sad. I hope that you've seen yourself on tv now and are maybe reconsidering your "I'm a bitch. Whatever. I don't care." comment. You should care. You really should.
6. Just because his daddy flies jets doesn't mean Wyatt's a fan. We went and watched some airplanes today and it was all clapping and happy wiggles during the landings but as soon as that F-15 took off, it was instant tears. Perhaps he's not ready for the up-close view complete with chest-rumbling afterburners?
7. When you live in a concrete house with concrete walls and concrete stairs and concrete bannisters, if you will, you should not make a habit of running into things. Especially concrete corners, because holy cow! It hurts. I think it can even temporarily dislocate your kneecap. But the part where you almost hyperventilate trying to breathe through the pain is highly entertaining to a 9-month-old with crazy hair.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Nice and Funny
I hear all the time about "how nice" Jeff is and "oh, he's just so nice" and "is he always that nice?", etc. No, people, he isn't always just nice. He has you snowed! He has an ornery streak a mile wide. He likes to trick people. It's usually people we know and it usually begins with a call that starts out "Yes, this is Sgt. Stone from the housing office and...." we're off to the races. In recent history, he has:
- left a message for friends who'd been out of town for two weeks alerting them that they'd violated Air Force Code 15-201B with the care of their yard and would be evicted from base housing. And he didn't admit it was him until the next message.
- told another friend she had "contraband vegetation" in her yard after having heard from her husband that she'd planted a few new palm trees in an attempt to beautify base housing.
- called a friend whose husband is gone to tell her that a general was visiting the base, would be on her street in the morning and she needed to mow right now even though it was 8 pm and she'd (apparently) just done yard work that day.
- called our commander's wife at 8 am on a morning it was pouring rain to tell her that her yard was out of regulations.
The common thread? (well, besides the fact that there are some serious lawn regulations on base) THEY FALL FOR IT! And then the next time I see these people I hear, "did Jeff tell you that he tricked me today? He's so funny! He's just so nice I didn't think he'd do that!"
Believe it. He does it all the time. And he laughs really hard when he gets you.
Today he did it again, only he wasn't Sgt. Stone and he wasn't calling someone we know. Today Jeff returned a loaner bookshelf to the furniture management office and you have to let them know you're bringing something back. Here's how his end of the conversation sounded:
Hi! I need to talk to someone about returning a few pieces of loaner furniture; I think they're defective. Yeah, my five kids were jumping on the couch and it broke, so I don't think it was very well-made. And my loveseat, well, it pretty much caught on fire. My buddy was just having a cigarette on it and the whole thing went up in flames. I think the fabric must be defective or something. I need to drop these off and get new ones (long pause) Ha! Hey, I'm just kidding! I just need to drop off a bookshelf.
Apparently the lady cracked up. Who are you people that encourage him?! I suffer the consequences of too much positive reinforcement! I mean, just three nights ago he taped all the light switches in the off position so I couldn't turn lights on going up the stairs. Am I afraid of the dark? No. Am I afraid that when Jeff goes upstairs ahead of me at night and it's dark that he'll jump out and scare me? Absolutely!
So the next time you get a call from Sgt. Stone or from someone who just sounds too wacky to be true, ask yourself if it sounds like Jeff. Because it probably is. He's not too nice to have a little fun at your expense. Just so you know.
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