Saturday, August 02, 2008

Today I Was Assaulted

Don't worry, I'm fine. A little scarred in the retina, but otherwise fine.

So here's the deal: it's tax-free school supply weekend here and that includes clothing items that are under $100 each so of course I went to our nearby outlets to see what deals could be found (nevermind that it's also 25% off weekend at Gap and Banana outlets). Sadly I was not the only one with this idea and I just spent a few hours among throngs of people from all walks of life.

Oh, the assault? Mostly visual. Can someone please help me understand where the disconnect is? I mean, I can put on certain items of clothing - short shorts, no-support braless shirts, fitted tops - and use my handy dandy mirror to see that woah! That looks horrendous and should never be seen on my frame again. Do people just not have mirrors? Yes, we all have our moments. I'm sure at least a handful of you are reading this thinking, "does she not remember that insert item of clothing here that she wore to insert public event here?" I'm fully aware that mistakes have been made. I just try to be self-critical enough to not make the same mistake twice. And especially I try not to make multiple mistakes in one outing. You know, like untoned thighs+super short shorts+low cut tight fitting tank top without a bra and oh, honey, you need a little support up there+strappy wedge sandals. Am I painting a picture you can see? Because if not, I can run right back out to that mall and take pictures of approximately 397 examples. In the first five minutes.

Here's another thing - don't make me wonder if you are pregnant! I'm understand there's a window in the gestational process where you look neither svelte nor pregnant, but I absolutely do not believe there are that many pregnant teenagers and middle-aged housewives in this zipcode. And one last thing, for you moms and teenage daughters who are out shopping together: you shouldn't be wearing matching outfits. It's just wrong for so many reasons. One of you - or maybe both - is unclear about your station in life.

As if those things weren't enough, it's about a hundred degrees in the shade (it's an outdoor mall) and just as my eyes were glazing over from all the abuse I had to walk past two of those designer fragrance outlets. With their doors propped open! Now my olfactory system is poisoned, too.

Rough day. I gotta go take a nap.

7 comments:

Mom said...

But what did you buy in your "back to school" shopping frenzy?

aderost said...

I must say, this post is not making me want to run out today like I had planned...

Jody & Joey said...

You do realize I have no sympathy for you....
You're COMPLAINING about the OUTLET MALL!!!
Although I do find it very funny....
you're complaining about the outlet mall....
I suppose the chick-fil-a sandwich you had was cold... or the blizzard from DQ didn't have enough reeses peanut butter cups in it....
oh wait, I know, your mexican food wasn't spicy enough....

Stephanie said...

Jody - how did you know I went to chik-fil-a on my way?! Amazing. And let's be fair, I'm not complaining about the shopping in the least, but rather the people it attracts. I'd love a trip to 100Y right about now!

The Thomas Crew said...

I feel your pain since the fashion you speak of is certainly not location-specific. It actually seems to be spreading, like it's the new rage or something. Steph, you just have to remember that these are the same people whose exercise is determined by what games they have on their Wii.

The Blake Family said...

Something, I believe, I do not miss about the US...shopping during sale time. Although, I have discovered that shopping in St. Andrews, Scotland in the summer on a Saturday is not a good idea! Probably not close to your experience...very few "super short shorts and low cut tight fitting tank tops" here. And...fashion...well, it doesn't really exist here to begin with...

Laurie said...

Friend, you totally crack me up!
I miss you!