Fifteen Steps to a Better Me

I had the unpleasant task of going to the dentist today, had to get a filling redone. This was actually my second attempt at this appointment because the first one, two weeks ago, was cancelled after I arrived at the clinic since the tech hadn't shown up for work. Annoying! So today, I was quite pleased when they called me back right on time and got down to business. This is how it went down:

Step 1: place a swab of local anesthetic into the deep recesses of my jaw (this filling's in a molar waaaaaayyy back there). Notice that a/c is blasting full force directly onto me. Am chilly.

Step 2: inject anesthetic and wait 5 minutes for it to take effect. Note that fingers are now turning blue - it's cold in here!

Step 3: check for loss of sensation. What's that? You can still feel your lips and tongue? Let's have another shot. Tech offers a blanket since I'm now shivering (in my jeans, long-sleeved shirt and close-toed shoes, no less). I take her up on the offer.

Step 4: wait 5 minutes, check again. What? It still feels the same? Ummmm, let's try another injection and this time we'll "work it around where it needs to go". Tech wraps blanket over me.

Step 5: Report to dentist that really, nothing feels different except my ear is getting numb. I think it's going the wrong way.

Step 6: Dentist is perplexed. Asks if I have a history of having trouble numbing. Not so much, I reply. Must be my lucky day. Despite blanket, am now shivering again. Having fun yet?

Step 7: Dentist offers to reschedule appointment for another day so we can "try again" or proceed with shot #4 and hope it works. I opt for shot #4 seeing as how this is my second attempt at this appointment already. Shot #4 is administered.

Step 8: Hallelujah! My lips are tingly! I might even be drooling. Let's get this show on the road before my lips turn blue.

Step 9: Dentist inserts some wacky rubber sheet in my mouth to keep things "nice and dry" while he works. This takes a few minutes and is, quite frankly, almost scary. If this thing slips, couldn't I suffocate? Never have had one of these before and am NOT a fan.

Step 10: Commence drilling. Commence turning up iPod really loud to try to drown out the whirrrrrr of the drill. Still hear dentist when he says, hey! my drill doesn't have as much power as it should. Ahhh, that makes me feel good about this.

Step 11: Jump approximately three inches out of chair when holy mother of God, I can feel you drilling!

Step 12: scary rubber thingy removed to inject ANOTHER SHOT. That's right, this is number 5 for those of you keeping track at home. At this point I remark that this isn't going well. The dentist replies that it's a little unusual.

Step 13: after the 5 minute wait, drilling begins again. And just so you know, the Eagles drown out a drill pretty well - something about the pitches matches close enough make it fade into the background.

Step 14: filling the gigantor hole in my molar begins. This, remarkably, goes very quickly. Am thanking God because my core temperature is now hovering around 94 degrees and I cannot stop shivering.

Step 15: bolt out of chair, sprint out of clinic, rejoice in the Crapina's hot interior all the way home. Immediately tell Jeff that Wyatt will have excellent dental hygeine if I have anything to say about it because this procedure SUCKS.

It has now been about 3 hours since the first shot was given and I am still slurring, drooling and numb. I will probably feel this way until about Tuesday, so if we have a chance to talk please remember this instead of assuming I'm drunk. Although that probably would have been a better option.

Now go brush your teeth!