Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Nice and Funny

I hear all the time about "how nice" Jeff is and "oh, he's just so nice" and "is he always that nice?", etc. No, people, he isn't always just nice. He has you snowed! He has an ornery streak a mile wide. He likes to trick people. It's usually people we know and it usually begins with a call that starts out "Yes, this is Sgt. Stone from the housing office and...." we're off to the races. In recent history, he has:

  • left a message for friends who'd been out of town for two weeks alerting them that they'd violated Air Force Code 15-201B with the care of their yard and would be evicted from base housing. And he didn't admit it was him until the next message.
  • told another friend she had "contraband vegetation" in her yard after having heard from her husband that she'd planted a few new palm trees in an attempt to beautify base housing.
  • called a friend whose husband is gone to tell her that a general was visiting the base, would be on her street in the morning and she needed to mow right now even though it was 8 pm and she'd (apparently) just done yard work that day.
  • called our commander's wife at 8 am on a morning it was pouring rain to tell her that her yard was out of regulations.

The common thread? (well, besides the fact that there are some serious lawn regulations on base) THEY FALL FOR IT! And then the next time I see these people I hear, "did Jeff tell you that he tricked me today? He's so funny! He's just so nice I didn't think he'd do that!"

Believe it. He does it all the time. And he laughs really hard when he gets you.

Today he did it again, only he wasn't Sgt. Stone and he wasn't calling someone we know. Today Jeff returned a loaner bookshelf to the furniture management office and you have to let them know you're bringing something back. Here's how his end of the conversation sounded:

Hi! I need to talk to someone about returning a few pieces of loaner furniture; I think they're defective. Yeah, my five kids were jumping on the couch and it broke, so I don't think it was very well-made. And my loveseat, well, it pretty much caught on fire. My buddy was just having a cigarette on it and the whole thing went up in flames. I think the fabric must be defective or something. I need to drop these off and get new ones (long pause) Ha! Hey, I'm just kidding! I just need to drop off a bookshelf.

Apparently the lady cracked up. Who are you people that encourage him?! I suffer the consequences of too much positive reinforcement! I mean, just three nights ago he taped all the light switches in the off position so I couldn't turn lights on going up the stairs. Am I afraid of the dark? No. Am I afraid that when Jeff goes upstairs ahead of me at night and it's dark that he'll jump out and scare me? Absolutely!

So the next time you get a call from Sgt. Stone or from someone who just sounds too wacky to be true, ask yourself if it sounds like Jeff. Because it probably is. He's not too nice to have a little fun at your expense. Just so you know.


Susan said...

I've been on the receiving end of the Sgt. Stone calls - last time I think Sgt. Stone was asking for my son to come to the phone. He's tricky, but there's something giddy in Sgt. Stone's voice that gives him away!!!

Anonymous said...

Yes, I've lost track of how many times I've answered the phone to be asked if this is a certain pool hall. I think I can brag that I've never really fallen for that one. (Probably dangerous to brag--who knows what my next phone call might be!)

Ade said...

And don't forget the "liquid induced" late night shananagans (sp?)...usually full random statements, bagging on my husband's teeth with a few select "naughty words" thrown in. Although those have become much more of a rarity since Jack was born! Thank You!

Anonymous said...

Jeff is VERY nice 99.9% of the time--you have to give the guy little wiggle room---Dad

Lisa said...

I agree with PaRon :).... Plus-- every once in a blue moon someone gets him back. Like when I told him I was taking Nathan to the ER because he ate chili.....because dont you know you arent supposed to feed babies chili?

Leslie said...

Hmmm, I'm intrigued! I never knew about this dark side of Vice! Quite entertaining! He couldn't get me, though, because I earned myself a "yard ticket" at Kadena while Stoner was tdy, and you get 3 chances before they evict you from Base Housing. Just in case you were wondering...