Monday, January 07, 2008

Dear Stranger,

I met you today at WalMart; I was the one searching for baby sunscreen and you were the one circling the display. I noticed you kind of laughing as my son reached for the endcap and attempted to knock down all the Coppertone. You see, I was distracted while reading the ingredients statements. I mean, is Baby Coppertone the same as Baby Banana Boat? And what about Baby Aveeno? You can see how it would be difficult and all-consuming to compare oxycilisalitenzone* to octobenzinoniton*, right? And doesn't anyone make sunscreen without chemicals I can't pronounce?

Anyway, it kind of startled me when you asked me if that was all the sunscreen or had I maybe seen some somewhere else in the store. For one thing, can't you look at me and tell I'm not a local? Please tell me I didn't quite blend in with that crowd. And also, I was startled because when I looked at you, I wouldn't have pegged you for a sunscreen aficionado given your leathery face and dark tone. So I was momentarily perplexed. At the same time, I was trying to calculate your age - I'd guess late 20s? Which is sad, because your skin looks more like my Grandma's and she's 86 (though she's very careful about the sun, which is more than I can say for you). Indeed, I was confused about your query. But then you cleared it right up when you quickly added, "I need something for the tanning bed!"

Thanks for ending my confusion.


*or something like that

P.S. Dear Readers, Let it be known that I don't fit in down here (and by down here, I mean this close to the base). I don't tan, I don't smoke, I don't chew, I'm not carrying at least 40 extra pounds on my frame and I don't regularly use "ain't" or any other double negatives in a sentence. I think might be having some relocation adjustment issues. If you notice me starting to fall into any of the above patterns, please stage an intervention. Immediately.


Susan said...

Just so you know, my kids both get a weird rash when slathered with any baby Coppertone product. I would recommend Baby Banana Boat. The Baby Aveeno has been recommended to me but it's kind of the consistency of Crisco so I've struggled with that.

Steph said...

So I guess I should be flattered when people tell me that I don't seem like the typical girl from Panama City? For what it's worth, I'm from here and I find myself a little disgusted and out-of-place at times. Try hitting Wal-mart on 23rd street. Ick.