Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Help Me Understand

When attempting to make a dr's appointment, why do I always get the message that tells me the "clinic is open Monday through Friday, 0730 to 1600 daily; to make an appointment, please call this number between 0730 and 1630 daily." Hey morons! You're only supposed to turn that machine on outside those hours. So when I'm calling at 2:00 pm (or 1400, if you'd rather) YOU SHOULD BE ANSWERING! What does a girl have to do to get some migraine medicine that works?

Why do I choose to try new recipes for social functions? They sound so pretty and tasty when I look them up on allrecipes and then BAM! Here I am, the night before, scrambling to pull stuff together. And of course I'm bullheaded and decided I am making the roasted vegetable sandwich, despite the fact that it calls for ingredients I either (a) have to pay for with gold boullion (Hello! $4.50 for 2 portabello mushrooms? And $4.38/lb. for red peppers?) or (b) am completely unable to purchase. This week's example: focaccia bread. I thought I could get it but...this is how my call to the commissary went:
Local national commissary worker: heh-row, bakery.
Me: Hi. Do you have focaccia bread?
Lncw: huh?
me: can I get focaccia bread there?
Lncw: who?
me: f0-ca-cia bread? You know, Italian flat-bread?
Lncw: hold prease........Um, yes? We no have that anymore.
Of course you don't. Why would we want anything besides white or wheat?

Is it possible to channel Martha Stewart? Because it's not working out for me. You know what's happening in my kitchen right now? Yep. That's right. I'm attempting to make focaccia bread. It's not really going that well because there are approximately 37 steps to making my friend's "oh this is so easy" recipe. Easy my ass, Sly. You know what would have been easy? Calling Macaroni Grill and begging some bread off them. That would have been easy.

And does anyone know why Wyatt is taking such long naps? I mean, he usually naps for two 2-hour blocks which is great, but lately he's been sleeping a ton. Today he took his standard morning nap and then took a 3.5- hour afternoon nap. Last week he took two 4-hour afternoon naps. I mean, it's kind of nice to have some time to get stuff done (like crazy over-acheiving recipes) but what gives? If this is the precursor to a growth spurt, apparently he's going to scare the bejesus out of me one of these mornings because he'll have outgrown his sleeper overnight.

Why do the reality shows of Bravo hold such power over me? Real Housewives, Top Chef, Project Runway, Top Designer...I love you all. Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

Lastly, why did my family give me such a hard time about my childhood rock collection? I mean, so what if I insisted on giving those rocks baths? At least I didn't name them and throw birthday parties for them like they did on Sesame Street this week. Ha! I KNEW I wasn't the weird one. Everyone on Sesame Street thought it was really nice that Rocko was getting a party! And I do, too.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Steph, honey--take a valium---Dad

Anonymous said...

Steph, honey, take a valium--Dad

Sarah said...

You are definitely not alone in your Bravo-love. Over the summer, my friends and I had serious Project Runway parties every Wednesday, and last school year I would babysit just so I could watch it.

Susan said...

I'm Real Housewives of the OC obsessed. Seriously obsessed. I can't quite get into Top Design but I've spent countless hours watching Top Chef and also Workout. Too bad that Blowout doesn't seem to be making a comeback. Crazy Jonathan Anton got me through bedrest this time a year ago. Without his insanity I might have gone insane myself.

Susan said...

p.s. I tried to make focaccia bread once from a box mix and it was a disaster. Good luck.

p.p.s. I had my once-every-10-years-migraine a couple of weekends ago and am now reminded of how sick it can make you feel. I was barely this side of functioning for an entire day. Sorry.

Mark Henderson said...

My help:
migraines - beer and sleep

focaccia bread - Not sure what it is so I can't help, but recommend carry out for all social hoohahs.

long naps - fighting germs

Bravo - genetic

rocks - I don't know. Sounds cool to me.