Conveniently, while we were all standing by our big back bay window, a bird committed suicide by flying into it at high speed. Jeff was actually outside, standing approximately two feet from the scene of the accident, and Mom, Wyatt and I were inside. It shocked us all and then led to interesting conversation, what with the twitching corpse and poop on the window. Wyatt wanted to know what that bird did so we thought maybe it would be a good opportunity to talk about being careful and making good decisions.
Me: that birdie hurt himself because he didn't make a good decision. You know how Mommy tells you I don't want you to get hurt? That birdie got hurt very badly and it's sad.
Grandma: That's why Mommy always tells you to hold hands in a parking lot and follow directions.
W: Why is it sad?
Me: Well, because that birdie probably had a mommy and daddy that loved it very much and now they won't get to be with it again.
W: Why that birdie not going with its mommy and daddy?
Me: (sensing a bad decision on my part to have this conversation) Well, that bird made a bad decision.
and then we repeated some variety of that conversation as Jeff scooped up the corpse with a shovel while we were all watching.
W: (pointing to the poop on the window) Can I catch that?
Me: No, sweetie.
W: Is it on the outside or the inside?
Me: It's on the outside.
W: Where that birdie go?
Me: Well, Daddy took it, sweetie.
W: (making really sad, pouty face) That really sad. That birdie's mommy and daddy are sad.
Grandma: (sensing another wrong turn on our part) I think maybe that birdie could be okay. Maybe if it's really, really careful, it'll get better.
W: But maybe that birdie's family be really sad.
Me: That bird will make better decisions next time and listen to its mommy and daddy, I think.
W: But now the trash man going to take it?
And then I lost it. Hands over my face, trying not to crack up because, yes, that's precisely what's going to happen.
W: Oh, Stephy, what's wrong?
At that point, Jeff returned not realizing what kind of scene he was walking into.
W: Daddy, that bird's mommy and daddy are really sad.
J: Yeah, can you believe that? It's eyes were...
Grandma: (cutting him off) We're having an interesting conversation in here about all of this.
W: Why that birdie do that, Daddy?
J: Because it wasn't wearing a helmet. You should always wear a helmet when you fly.
Me: Or when you ride your bike (shooting Jeff a look)...
J: Right. Or when you ride a bike. A helmet really protects your head.
W: That bird not wearing a helmet?
J: No, that bird wasn't wearing a helmet.
And the conversation is over. Thank God!
So I'm pretty sure Wyatt's takeaway from this is that if you fly into a window, without a helmet, your parents will be sad and then the trash man takes you. The end. What? He's our practice kid so we'll do a better job with Natalie.