Through the marvels* of Facebook, I've recently learned that someone with whom I was very good friends in high school is now living a very urban, successful life. As in, NYC and recently touted as one of the top 40 under 40 in her field. And she's in Geneva for work right now. Hmmm. It helped none whatsoever that I discovered this while Wyatt was tantruming (again) yesterday. He's been having some serious fits and we're doing our best to figure them out and work through them but it's exhausting, both physically and emotionally. So right then, Geneva, New York and creating marketing campaigns for internationally powerful consumer companies sounded very appealing. I might have mentioned all of that in a phonecall to my sweet husband who (appropriately) laughed at me and said, "huh. That's pretty cool." I might have begged him to get another international assignment and said that I needed to start dreaming bigger for myself. And then I went to put Natalie down for a nap.
So as I was rocking my baby, listening to the "mommmmmmmeeeeeeee" wails from nearby, I thought, what would I rather be doing? To what should I be aspiring? What did I used to think I wanted to do with my life? And then it hit me like a ton of bricks: I used to think I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom! So I'm attempting to embrace the crazy a little more. These children, these little people, they will grow up too fast. And they think I'm great (not guessing. Wyatt informed me (post second tantrum last night) that I'm his best friend. I cried.) so that's got to be better than a free trip in business class to Europe, right? None of this means I'm not going to gripe about the plight of a non-paycheck-earning mom, but it's a good resolution for my mental health. And it doesn't mean that I'm not going to keep looking for more ways to feel fulfilled, but it's just... This is what I'm doing and if I waste my days looking for something better, then I might miss the subtle greatness of my life.
*Facebook is sucking me in, so slowly I almost didn't notice it happening. I'm fighting valiantly, but I think FB is winning.
Update: said international traveler is now in Istanbul. Not helping my envy issues. Need an interesting vacation posthaste and to stop reading FB.